17 Apr 2014

Family Support During Pregnancy

Submitted by Anonymous

Written by: Amanda Hadfield     I like to think that I'm not just one of the "lucky" ones who had a supportive family when it came to my decision to place my baby for adoption, but as time has gone on I've realized how incredibly blessed I really was (and am) to have the family I have and to have had their support behind me when I placed my baby into another families arms. 

My birth daughter would have been my mom and dad's first grand baby. To say that there was not love for her or a desire to keep her in our family would be an ugly lie. I had always known about adoption but never really contemplated it as a choice in the beginning of my pregnancy. I was positive I was going to single parent. My sister knew at 16 that she would probably never be able to bear biological children, so when I found myself pregnant at 18, she and her husband were about 2 years into their own adoption journey. To place my child into my sisters arms and to have her and her husband raise her was a subject that came up often, but ultimately turned out to not be the right choice for our family or my sweet baby. 

When I initially told my parents I was pregnant, they of course were hurt and indeed feelings of anger were felt. Despite their feelings, from day one they were 100% supportive of whatever it was that I was going to decide. Three years after I placed, I discovered that my dad had felt rather strongly about me not placing my baby for adoption and thought at the time that the right choice would have been to keep her in our family, but thankfully he was an incredibly supportive and loving dad and knew that I needed to make the decision of what was right for her on my own. He knew that his feelings on the matter weren't worth altering what I knew to be right. It wasn't that my dad's opinions weren't important, but he knew that I need to come to the best decision without being swayed by outside views. I will forever be grateful to him for that. 

I was able to confide in each and every one of my siblings during the time of my pregnancy. The relationship that was made between my sister and I during that time is an unbreakable bond and I am so incredibly blessed to have had her love and support. As you can imagine she was beyond frustrated and hurt when she found out her baby sister, who was not married, or ready to be a mom, was pregnant when her and her husband who wanted so badly to be parents, weren't. Despite her pain and frustration she was there for me when I needed her most and one of my biggest supporters. It was because of her and her husband that I knew that placing my baby for adoption would bless a family, who otherwise couldn't have children on their own, would be blessed eternally. Amazingly, my sister and her husband were later blessed with this same miracle and we now have my nephew through the blessing of adoption. He is such a joy in our lives, and we are all so thankful for his birth mom and the sacrifice she made. 

I can't imagine having placed my birth daughter for adoption without the support of my family. All of them, but one, were there to meet her at the hospital when she was born, and each of them held her and loved her. Each of them confirmed, even after holding her and falling in love with her, that what I was doing was the right thing and that they supported my decision. Both of my parents were there when I placed T into her parents arms and my dad even announced that he knew that even though it would be a road filled with hurt and a lot of tears, that T was going to the home she was always meant to be in. 

Although the decision to place her was ultimately mine, my family was behind me the entire way. We placed her together. We fell in love with her and experienced all of her, together. They loved her enough, and they loved me enough, to know that she deserved more than what I could offer to her at that time in my life. We most certainly could have given her love. They all would have most certainly been there to help raise her and teach her, but we all knew in our heart of hearts that she was never meant to be ours. 
I couldn't have asked for a better support system outside of my family. The love they showed me and still show me will forever be in my heart. I could not have made it through the trial of pregnancy, and the journey of adoption, without them. They were and are some of the most amazing people I know and I am grateful for their examples and love in my life. I am grateful that with them, I was able to make the best choice possible for my baby.

I sincerely cannot imagine going through such a life altering situation without the love of my family. I truly do recognize that I was and am so lucky to have them. One of the reasons I decided to join birth mother baskets and have fallen in love with this organization is because I hope that I in some small way can be that support for an expecting mother, or birth mother who's already placed, who might not have the kind of support behind them like I did. While my family was my biggest support, the women I got to know through adoption and birth mom/expecting mom support groups are who also helped me get through. No one should have to go through the placement of a child or the unknowns of an unexpected pregnancy alone, and we at BMB want to be here for those of you who may not have anywhere else to turn. I have so much love for the women and girls out there who have experienced or are experiencing the same things as I did, and I would feel inadequate if I did not let them know of that love.




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