18 Apr 2014

Ride the Wave

Submitted by Anonymous

Written by; Gina Crotts      I am in that space today of creating, writing and deep thinking. Many times this is a little bit of dark space for me and I have to be self aware to not linger in this space for too long. However, some of my greatest work and pieces have come from this space, so today I am embracing it and writing through the emotions I am experiencing.

I am not your typical ‘always positive’ person. Though I strive to stay positive, it is a daily battle for me. I have suffered with depression a lot in my life. It comes in waves, in and out, as often and as strong as the current. At times, I have fallen under its spell and have lost myself inside its web of lies. I am proud to say it has been 7 years since I have lost a battle to its evil ways. Do I still have days of dark moments? Of course, but I think that is typically normal, for me. I allow myself, like I am now, to feel it, write it out, talk about it and then move on.

Being an adoptive advocate definitely has helped and hinder my thoughts and feelings about my own decision to place my baby for adoption. I knew, when I placed, that not everyone would agree with my decision. You can’t please everyone when you are doing something so out of the ordinary, for most people to even consider. My placement ‘story’ has it’s own ups and downs. It in no way has become what I thought it would be or what I had hoped it would be. It is also still evolving and I won’t pretend to know what path it will pick next. I believe many birth mom’s could say the same about their placement, it is like the waves.

I made a choice when I started Birth Mother Baskets that I would take all the positive and negative that it would bring. I can say some of the negative has rocked me to my core. It has found me on the brink of that dark ledge. Even though I knew to expect it, I knew it would come and I thought I was prepared for it. The negative comments and opinions are part of the process and at times they can be a strong current as well. When we put out our Press Release on Tuesday April 15, I was still surprised at the amount of negative comments that we received. They by far out weighed the positive. You can read the Press Release here. Everyone has an opinion when it comes to adoption. It is like anything else in life and I don’t plan or expect to please everyone.

Our mission here at BMB is as follows:

Birth Mother Baskets (BMB) is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that is here to give positive support, hope and courage to birth moms throughout the placement process. This includes shipping our standard Birth Mother Baskets to birth moms nationwide, along with our BMB Programs, Expectant Parent Peer, Birth Mom Friend, BMB University and Birth Mom Retreats. We focus on what is good and uplifting in the adoption industry and encourage others to do the same. Our goal, is to offer a safe and positive space for all birth moms, to feel comfortable enough to share their stories and be heard without judgement. We encourage birth mothers to find their self worth, confidence and their own voice. We seek to work with Agencies/Attorneys who have a high standard of ethics and want to offer what is best for the adoption triad.

Everything in life has ups and downs, in and out, dark and light. When I struggled to reach out of my own darkness I started to study those around me who always seemed happy and positive. It use to irritate me that ‘they’ made it look so easy. Always smiling and talking as if life was as easy as can be. In that studying, I discovered something that has changed my entire view… all those happy smiling people had and have a choice.

So do I.

Do ‘they’ really live perfect fairy tale lives where nothing goes wrong? There is no wave or current? No darkness? No struggle? Of course not.

They make a choice.

And now I do the same. I can wallow in my own self pity of negative comments that follow BMB and follow my own personal life OR I can choose to see the positive in my life and expand on it.  The same goes for my placement story. Like I said, it’s not what I had expected and I’m sure there are many birth moms who could say the same.

However, I want and do strive to live a positive life. I don’t live in regret or anger. Instead, I make a choice. A choice to see the good in everything! A choice to ride the waves of life’s ups and downs. Some days I am a pro and other days I am just getting by, but I am still making the choice to promote what I love and make changes in the adoption industry that should have been made long ago.

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