Thrilled to introduce Alysia to our BMB team! We asked her a few questions about her placement and about her life now, to help our BMB followers get to know better. Also, check out Alysia's post with America Adopts here!
Question: Tell us your adoption story in 600 words or less.
Answer: I am a birth mother to two beautiful babies. Although my story is a bit unique, I believe we all have commonality in our stories. We all place for the unconditional love of our children. I am a married mom of four. When we chose to place our daughter 5 years ago it was the single most painful experience of my life. I stuffed my emotions and felt that no one could ever know how I felt. No one could know and I had to never title myself as a birth mother. Fast forward three years. I found a blog written by a birth mom through my birth daughters Mama. She knew I was hurting and finding someone to talk to was key. I instantly connected with the other birth mom. She knew my pain. My struggle. My eyes were opened to so many wonderful women that shared the same feelings as I did. I began to open up, little by little. A year later we were faced with another pregnancy. I knew immediately that I would not be parenting this baby because of medical issues. The placement of my little boy brought on a whole new world for me. I have been allowing myself to heal and love adoption for everything that it is and can be. I am now proud to say that I am a married Mom of four children that I parent and I am a birth mother to two beautiful children that through adoption I can love and watch grow. Adoption is part of their stories but it will never define them.
Question: Have you reconnected with your baby, if so, share this experience.
Answer: I have not reconnected with my birth daughter, but only because the timing is not yet right. She knows she is adopted. She knows that I hand-picked her Mommy and Daddy and that I loved her more than anything when I placed her in their arms. They live across the States so reunification is not as easy as other placements. I know that when the time is right she and her Mommy and I will sit down and we will tell her OUR story. My birth son is very young still and I have seen him once since placement. We have planned an open adoption but only time will tell where it leads us. Through the miracle of technology my family is able to watch him blow bubbles and smile at his Mommy and Daddy. I have faith that both of my adoption stories will have wonderful journeys.
Question: What advice would you give to expectant parents who are considering placing their baby for adoption?
Answer: I believe that in this world of adoption, there are just a few key pieces of advice that any birth parent can give to expectant birth parents. Follow your heart. Every single birthmother I’ve spoken to has validated the phrase, “I just knew they were the ones to parent my child”. This is your decision. Your body and your little life that you hold next to your heart. When it comes down to it, we all just want what is best for everyone involved. Feel through your pain. Do not stuff it down and pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to grieve. It is also ok to be excited and happy for the adoptive parents. It is ok to smile and love your decision. What you put in to it is what you will get out of it. Erase the negative feedback with the overabundance of love you are giving and receiving.
Question: What would you say to help educate people on adoption?
ADOPTION IS THE LOVING OPTION. We give our children the life they deserve. We create families. We need to feel our feet and know exactly what we want out of our adoption journey. We need to advocate for each other and for ourselves. Birth mothers come in all shapes and sizes. The face of adoption is not what it used to be and that is a fantastic thing. If everyone could see the love in the triad of adoption, there would be less of a stigma attached to the word. It’s not just a word. It is a life being created for a child and a family. How amazing is that?
In three words describe what adoption means to you?
Unconditional, Amazing, Families
Question: Why do you want to support other birth mothers?
Answer: I cannot wait to share my journey with other birth mothers. I spent three years hidden in a dark place because I felt there was no one that could understand my pain. I want to educate. I want to share and I want to change the face of adoption. I want birth mom’s to know they are not alone and it is ok to cry through the pain and it is ok to feel through the joy of placement. We are not alone. If I can just change one person’s thought on adoption every time I share my story or save one birth mom from her own loneliness, I will be successful in my journey. I have found my passion through my ultimate pain. Our stories will never end. It is up to us at BMB to help birth mom’s begin their journey on the right foot and not have to ever feel if they are in this journey alone.
Question: Where are you life like now?
Answer: My life is pretty cut and dry. I am a busy mom and wife. I have a son graduating from high school in just a few short months and then leaving for the Army and a toddler getting ready to start preschool. I work as an insurance agent in beautiful Las Vegas, NV. I am an advocate for birth mom’s and I am learning that the more I share my story, the more wonderful people I find that are somehow connected to adoption.